Sometimes I'm Afraid to Talk to Black People Because I Might say Something Offensive Like “Sometimes I'm Afraid to Talk to Black People."
Ok, I’m not really afraid to talk to black people; I’m just using this title to draw attention to the issue of fear in communication. It seems that we live in a world these days where many people are “Agrieved Ready,” waiting for a headline of a =n off-handed comment they can pounce on. So many people seem willing to judge others without context or history, like you may have judged me when reading this title. I have to wonder, is this approach counterproductive? Is calling people out as effective as calling people in? Does it make more sense to reach out to those with opposing views or perspectives if we really want to make this world a better place?
As I talk with people about social justice issues, I find the fear of offending someone and being canceled is a common concern, particularly when it comes to conversations about race, religion, gender, politics, or sexual orientation. As a society, we have become increasingly sensitive to the ways in which language and actions can perpetuate discrimination and oppression. This awareness is essential, but it can also make it difficult for people to have honest and open conversations about almost anything.
As an example, during the early days of the Black Lives Matter movement, I noticed that many people were walking on eggshells feeling they might say something offensive or hurtful, even if they had no intention of doing so, even if they just wanted to help - so they pulled back from communicating in a time where it was needed more than ever. This fear may have been rooted in a lack of understanding or knowledge about the black experience, as well as a fear of being judged or criticized for something they misread about a situation. What’s ironic about this is that the people who care enough not to offend are often the people who care enough to effect positive change.
Sometimes this fear can also come from a lack of representation and diversity in one's own life. Suppose a person does not have many diverse friends or colleagues. In that case, they may feel unsure about navigating conversations about race or gender, and they may be more likely to avoid them altogether. This fear of communication can lead to a lack of understanding and empathy for marginalized communities, as well as a lack of progress in addressing the real issues.
Referring back to the title of this article, It's also important to understand that people of marginalized communities, including Black people, may be tired of always having to educate others about racism and their lived experiences. We should not put the burden of education on them; instead, people should take the initiative to educate themselves and seek out resources and perspectives that can broaden our understanding.
Avoiding conversations with people who are different than you is not the solution; it is the opposite of the solution. In order to create a more inclusive and equitable society, it is important for people to have these uncomfortable conversations and to work to educate themselves about the experiences and perspectives of all people. It is also important to recognize that it is okay to make mistakes and to have uncomfortable conversations, but in order to make this work, it also needs to be OK to forgive people who make mistakes. As long as we are willing to listen, learn and apologize when necessary, we can continue to have these conversations and make progress toward a more inclusive and equitable society.
Prof. Loretta J. Ross of Smith College teaches a class module on Calling People-In. “Calling-out assumes the worst. Calling-in involves conversation, compassion and context. It doesn’t mean a person should ignore harm, slight or damage, but nor should she, he or they exaggerate it”.
Does that mean that inviting people in for discourse is going to work with everyone? Nope. “You can’t be responsible for someone else’s inability to grow,” Professor Ross said. “So take comfort in the fact that you offered a new perspective of information and you did so with love and respect. Some people you can work with and some people you can work around. But the thing that I want to emphasize is that the calling-in practice means you always keep a seat at the table for them if they come back.”
In the end, It is important for people to educate themselves about the experiences and perspectives of other people and to have open and honest conversations…and it’s important to do your best to assume positive intent and to help bring others along with empathy instead of anger.